Other Types Of Loss And Why They Can Be Exactly What We Need

Typically, when we hear the word “loss,” we think of death. Yet loss has many faces, and with all of them, we must come to accept reality for what it is and not what we want it to be, and stretch our emotional, psychological, and even spiritual muscles in the wake of it. Here are a few other types of loss less commonly acknowledged yet still challenging all the same. And, unlike physical death, sometimes these losses are exactly what we need.

The Loss Of Relationships. The loss of a relationship can be very painful. Though we don’t mourn someone’s physical absence per say, we mourn the relationship. This could be what we wanted the relationship to be, or the idea we held about who a person was. This type of loss often has an added layer of pain because hurt is usually involved, hence the reason the relationship ended in the first place. This loss doesn’t have to be solely romantic either. It can be the end of a friendship, or even us walking away from a toxic person or vice versa.

Yet what we often miss amid the agony; and trust me, I’ve been there before, is that these losses tend to be what we need. We may not want to recognize this at first, but later when we look back, we can see that we could not grow into who we wanted to be with them in our lives. As they say, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and this is most certainly the case with relationships. That isn’t to say we are going to like the lessons or agree with the methods.

The Loss Of Beliefs. Oh, this is a toughie. Most of us take beliefs to be facts. Beliefs can be so insidious that we can go years before something challenges us to think differently. Maybe you believe you’ll never find a healthy relationship. Maybe you believe you won’t make enough money to ever feel secure. Maybe you believe that your passion can’t support you. Or that degree is a waste of time in the long run.

Life often forces us to step up with it comes to beliefs. What we choose to believe can either propel us forward or hold us back keeping us stuck in what’s safe and familiar. Beliefs that may have worked for us at one in time may not work for us anymore. Yes, we outgrow them. And if we don’t’ let them go, we’ll begin to feel stuck. Stagnant. Restless even. We yearn for more because we know we are meant for more. It’s just that sometimes we just don’t know how to get it. If this is you, then ask yourself what is holding you back. How can you grow into what you want? Work backwards asking yourself what beliefs are inhibiting the next steps needed to make that happen. And from there, work on rebuilding what you take as truth. Replacing old beliefs with new ones is key. And by taking actions that will affirm this new mindset will help solidify these new beliefs. Afterall, that’s how past beliefs are formed in the first place.

The Loss Of Habits. They say habits die hard for reason. Some habits are beneficial, but many work against us. With habits, it’s easy to self-sabotage. Speaking for myself, I know I tend to be a little fiery. I’m not one to give the cold shoulder or bestow the silent treatment for days. I’m quite the opposite; lay it all out on the table with a few jabs peppered with some yelling and screaming- problem solved. Well, not exactly. After many relationships, I finally realized that “hashing it out” on the spot was not the most constructive thing to do. Raising my voice and wanting to solve problems right now was something habitual to me, but it wasn’t something necessarily effective. As Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws Of Power warns, don’t confuse aggressive action for effective action.

Habits need to be culled just as much as beliefs do. And ironically, usually when we begin to change our perspective and beliefs, our way of doing things; or habits, change too. Look at your life and ask yourself whether your habits are serving you or holding you back. And what you find that you don’t like, work on changing.

The Loss Of Identity. Of all the losses listed here, I find this to be the hardest. Losing my partner was the hardest thing I ever went through. But losing my sense of self and what I believed reality to be in the aftermath of his death brought yet another layer of trauma. My way of surviving this tragedy was to dive headfirst into metaphysics. I didn’t come from an upbringing that even knew what that word meant, so I had nothing but books to turn to. I didn’t realize that traveling down the metaphysical road so to speak and turning over every rock looking for the answers to my existential questions was going to cost me my old self. My views on life and death were completely shattered. And let me tell you, it was painful. We are emotionally invested in our beliefs. And challenging them, let alone tearing them down doesn’t happen without some serious growing pains.

Long story short, I slowly rebuilt my world view. But more importantly, my sense of self. Change always involves loss to some degree, for in order to become our new self we must say goodbye to our old self for that is the nature of life. It’s our responsibility who we decide to grow into.